Check Three Times (Chua Soi Lek)
(1) Barisan has announced that its new national symbol is the Condom, because it accurately reflects the government stance. A condom allows for inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of pricks and gives us a sense of security while we’re actually being screwed!
(2) Pak Lah and Samy Vellu were in a helicopter looking down Kuala Lumpur. Pak Lah said, “Samy, if I throw two RM100 notes down, two people will be happy.”
Not wanting to be outdone, Samy said, “If I throw 200 RM1 notes, 200 people will be happy.”
The pilot heard the conversation and said, “If I throw the two of you down, 27 million Malaysians will be happy.”
(3) Three guys were arguing as to what race Adam and Eve were. The Malay guy said they must be Malay as they are so good looking. The Chinese guy said that they must be Chinese as they are so calm even with a snake.
The Indian guy said that they must be Malaysian-Indian as they have no shelter, no clothes, no money, share one apple, advised by a snake who told them that they are living in paradise!
(4) Pak Lah, Najib, Shahrizat and Anwar were sitting in a KTM train heading up to Penang for campaigning. Near Ipoh, the train goes through a tunnel and it gets completely dark.
Suddenly there is a kissing sound and then a slap!
The train comes out of the tunnel. Shahrizat and Pak Lah are sitting there looking perplexed.
Najib is bent over holding his face, which is red from an apparent slap.
All of them remain diplomatic and nobody says anything.
Pak Lah is thinking: “These guys are all crazy after Shahrizat. Najib must have tried to kiss her in the tunnel. Very proper that she slapped him.”
Shahrizat is thinking: “Najib must have moved to kiss me, but kissed Pak Lah instead and got slapped.”
Najib is thinking: “Damn it, Pak Lah must have tried to kiss Shahrizat, she thought it was me and slapped me instead.”
Anwar is thinking: “If this train goes through another tunnel, I could make another kissing sound and slap Najib again.”
(5) Barisan wins the election. To celebrate, they decide to send more angkasawan to space. Najib calls together a group of Umnoputra cosmonauts.
Saudara saudara sekalian, we successfully sent our man Muzaffar to space using tax payers’ money the last time. Since we have more than enough tax payers’ money, the Cabinet has decided that you will all now fly to the sun.
But Datuk, we will be burnt to crisp.Jangan takut, the Barisan government has thought of everything … you will fly at night!
(6) Today’s election brings to mind the old Northern Ireland election slogan – “VOTE EARLY AND VOTE OFTEN”
(7) A priest is dying in a church. Before he dies, he asked for Pak La La La Lah and Khai Ri Ri Riry to be beside his deathbed. Both of them were excited at this opportunity because they thought it would be good for their image with the elections right around the corner.
At the priest’s deathbed, they asked, “Father, why did you ask us to be with you on your deathbed?”
The priest replied, “Because I wanted to die like Jesus Christ. He died between two thieves, and I wanted to do the same.”